Rita Portnova

What is your place of power?

A place that saw your tears, you came there in moment of hopelessness or where you had to make the right decision in times of uncertainty, when words were superfluous and advice was not needed. When you in the turmoil of the city and your home life, trying to hear yourself and find answers; when you are tired or happy. I was born and lived my happy life in a small Ukrainian town on the seashore.

When it was my birthday or wedding; when it was the birth of my child or the start of my first business: all this was within the sound of the surf of my own, warm sea of Azov. Until they came... On March 19, 2022, after spending almost a month under occupation, my family had to pack thirty years of life into one suitcase, abandon home, friends and our cafe on the seashore and leave for the unknown.

We did not know where we were going and whether we would get there, since we had to overcome 200 km of occupied territory. My husband and I and two children in our small car were among thousands of Russian soldiers, dozens of tanks, destroyed cities, burned civilian vehicles and military equipment on the road, moving with the gut-wrenching sound of exploding shells somewhere in the distance. There was only one goal - to prevent our children from seeing the horror of war, to prevent Russian aggression from "pausing" our lives.

Today, thousands of people under occupation live in anticipation, becoming hostages of their homes, afraid to go out, deprived of livelihood, normal food and medicine, water and light. Children are deprived of school and kindergarten. The worst thing is that they are deprived of their family. All these people have been waiting for more than a year….. Did we know where we were going? What awaited us? What country would we be in?

My children and I were the first in our family to leave Ukraine. I remember the road, that road from Liverpool airport to Preston. Everything around was so cozy, It seemed to me that I was in an old English movie with kings and queens and pretty, endless green meadows. When we first entered our new home, here in England, it felt like I knew every corner of it. It was an incredible feeling after two months of wandering through basements and refugee.

It is still hard for me to find the words of gratitude. I did not understand then that this place would become my home for more than one month. I didn't expect that every day the people living here would make me fall in love with this country more and more.

Now it is almost a year has passed. It has been a time of unconditional help and support from the British people, new experiences in our lives, tears of joy and sadness, personal victories, albeit not big ones, new acquaintances, and new travels and discoveries. Only the power of the sea remains unchanged in my life.

If I could write a letter to my former self at the beginning of all those dramatic events of February-March, 2022, it would be very short. I would write to that confused Rita what I tell myself every day: "Well done! You did everything right".